A little over 2 years ago, you came up with this great idea of becoming a parent (orrrrr maybe you didn't and a tiny human thing just kind of wound up in your possession) for the first time or again (if you've already done it once, you're obviously insane). Good job. You made a human or at least procured one somehow. Your secret is safe with me. Sure, babies are cute and cuddly when they aren't vomiting breast milk down your back or christening your sister-in-law's new couch with projectile poo in a complementing shade of green.
There's tons of great things about babies. I'm just giving you some of the highlights and it only gets better from there! (Disclaimer: I've seen grown men try to redecorate with poo. It's much more acceptable when it's a baby.)
"I'm going to turn around and ignore you now." - K
This is the age where they start to believe in boo-boo kissing magic, taking unexpected leaps into your arms from the 6th step up when you're carrying 6 bags of groceries, jumping off furniture from questionable heights, falling face first into the swimming pool, and giving you a heart attack while swinging upside down. This is the age where they didn't want their milk in the blue cup. It has to go in the yellow cup, but they didn't want milk, they wanted orange juice and that goes in the red cup, because Mommy is a fucking moron. This is the tantrum throwing, pretend playing, super snuggling, tiny, angry asshole age, and you will get through it, but probably not without a few bloody lips (for you AND them) and at least 6 (I'm under-exaggerating?) small heart attacks. (Disclaimer: You can't do anything the right way the first time, but toddlers are great at forgiveness.)
"Sometimes you're a man and you make a sandwich and it's so a man sandwich that you break your teeth." - K |
The Feisty GingerOnce a Ginger, always a Ginger. Older Stuff
January 2016
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